Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Conspicuous only by one's absence

Update 4!
At approximately 11:55 am today, I walked out of 106 for the last time. No one asked me to leave. I left of my own volition. I gave this trial, just a few days shy of four long months of my life. I came to a realization that it was time to pull the plug. Unfortunately for him, Spector will continue to have to show up in Judge Larry Paul Fidler's courtroom every day, supported by his bodyguards and other plastic Barbie® sized props. The verdict people, isn't very far away. But let me back up a little bit to yesterday, and tell you about a few details that I left out.

I told you in my last entry that I specifically was asked to return to court. Although I choose not to name who that was, I can tell you that it was several individuals who asked me to come back. When I was let into the courtroom ahead of the general public, I went over and took my seat by Dominick. Meredith from the court's public liaison's office immediately came over to me and said, "You've been at the trial every day, and we acknowledge that." She then handed me an official court press badge and said, "Now, you can't blog about this." I told her I understood, and wouldn't say anything. And, if you read my prior entry, I didn't mention anything about it. I wrote my entry in such a way, that I made it appear that I was still being treated as part of the public. I was ecstatic. I no longer had to worry about whether or not I would get a seat into court during the final days, or whether or not I would get to observe closing arguments. I had Mr. Willy Wonka's golden ticket. (LOL! I know. It's actually a laminated piece of yellow paper, but I wasn't quibbling at that point.) Once K saw what had happened, she corralled Meredith and tried to get onto the media list. I recommend reading my entry Vindicated! to get the full flavor of what K did the rest of the day.

This morning, I could not get onto my blog for over an hour. I was panicking, because I could get to other blogger web pages but not mine. I immediately thought that someone had shut my blog down. This was not an unreasonable assumption, since K had tried her best to get me ejected from the courtroom and Kim, of The Darwin Exception sent me this email on Sunday:

I know the defense reads mine because I've gotten emails from some lady named "Karen" (something - I forget her last name) purporting to be from Brunon's firm several times telling me that I have "misconstrued" something or "reported something inaccurately." I hadn't been writing on the trial a week when I got a "cease and desist" letter from them telling me that I needed to stop reporting "false and libelous information". It was very official looking and, of course, wasn't worth the bandwidth it was sent on, but it certainly could have intimidated a novice blogger. I sent them back a note referencing my ABA number, and I haven't heard from them since regarding "cease and desist".

Fortunately, my blog came back on line after about an hour, but it did cause me to be late for court. I arrived in 106 a little after 10:00 am. As I entered the courtroom, Alan Parachini, who is the head of the court's public relation's office, stood up and touched my arm. He directed me to sit beside him in the back row. I looked around the room and saw that K was not there, nor was W. At the first break, I got up to go over and sit beside Dominick, but Alan stopped me. He told me I would be sitting in the back row from now on. No explanation was given, and I didn't ask why. And, for the rest of the morning, that's where I sat. Right beside Alan Parachini.

After he told me that at the break, I went over to tell Dominick about this latest turn of events. The look he gave me said it all. Harriet Ryan was kind enough to point out to me, that I still had attached to my new jeans, the manufacturer's size sticker on the side of my leg. Oh boy. What total embarrassment that was lol, and I reached down to remove the sticker. I stepped outside the courtroom to go to the 13th floor to get a snack, and ran into Steven, who had just recently arrived. I told him about being relegated to the back row for the remainder of the trial. He couldn't believe it, and kept trying to figure out why. What happened, he kept wondering, offering up a possible innocent explanation that didn't make sense to me, seeing as how I had just been handed a press pass the day before. Back inside the courtroom Linda Deutsch turned around and said, "You changed seats." I replied, "I was told where to sit." Sometime in between the morning break and the noon hour, W entered the courtroom. No one told W where to sit, and they moved in to sit beside Linda in the second row. The smile on W's face was evident as to how gleeful they were about seeing me in the back row.

But I want to get back to that question: Why. In my spiritual belief system, the ultimate goal is to let go of needing to know why something happens in one's life journey. Ever since I first heard Caroline Myss talk about the David Chetlahay Paladin story, I've come to accept the fact that everything that happens in our lives happens for us, instead of to us. That every single person we meet in life and crosses our path, is there to teach us a lesson. That there is good and bad in every one's life, but how one chooses to let those events define their life is of the most importance. So, having obtained the golden ticket, I came to the realization sitting in that back row, that the cost of it was not worth the price, and I could easily walk away from it at any time. I had given enough of my time to this trial, and I made the decision to leave. I could watch Spector get convicted of second degree murder from the comfort of my living room. I could be in my jammies, getting caught up on sewing.

Unlike many other trial watchers who showed up on a daily basis to experience the proceedings, I have always maintained that I've never sought any fame or publicity off the tragic death of Lana Clarkson; it just happened to find me. I never went up to individuals at this trial, and passed out my business card to let them know who I was. Nor did I force myself on anyone I could latch onto, or offer to drive them around town to "see the Castle," or use my trial notes to eventually write a book. I have consistently made it clear, that once this trial was over, I would be immersing myself back into sewing, and my regular, comfortable life. I decided to let that start, a little sooner rather than later.

Once I got home, I packaged up the press badge, and sent it FedEx to Alan Parachini's office. I included a typewritten note with the single line, "Thank you very much." As I drove away from the FedEx office, a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. It felt great.

Up until this point, I've been silent as to the identity of K and W. Although the business card I have for K says "Investor, Actress, Motivational Speaker, Singer" the only information I've ever found on the web about K, is a PDF format court of appeals ruling where a contestant was ordered to reimburse court costs. And W? Well readers, I can't be absolutely positive, but it sure seems like one of the ladies on this web site completely resembles W. I could easily be wrong, of course.

I still have quite a few trial notes I haven't published that I will attempt to put up over the next several days, and dini I'm sure will continue to blog here until the end of the trial.

Update: 7:15 pm
The web link should be working now.

Update: 11:10 pm
I took a peecture before I mailed The Golden Ticket back. Just for the whole momento effect.

Update: Thursday, August 23rd, 10:40 am
There will be a guest entry up late tonight or early tomorrow by CCA. I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of support for me. Thank you one and all, very much. I will try to answer everyone's private messages at CTV as well as the mail and comments I've been getting on my blog, as soon as I am able.

Update: Thursday, August 23rd 4:17 pm
The David Chetlahay Paladin link is fixed.

19 comments:

Anakerie said...

Dear Sprocket, While I respect your decision to stay home instead of watching the trial, I just felt I should tell you how much I have looked forward to your commentary on what was happening in that courtroom. You, Dini, CCA, Kim and others that have faithfully watched and reported on things were what brought the whole thing to life. Now, like I said, I respect your decision... And I don't blame you a bit! I have no clue who those women who have made you their "project" are, but as they say, what goes around, comes around. They will get theirs in the end; Karma and all that, you know. lol

Just please don't go off into the sunset. I will still look for your comments on the CTV message board.

Betty said...

Sprocket - a "dot" after the www was inadvertently left out of the url you posted.

http://www.limagepilots.com/

So sorry you had to go through this but only YOU can decide what is worthwhile going through in this life.

I will miss your reports immensely, but I completely understand why you don't want to go back in this mess.

Betty (BChand)

TallyAnna said...

Betsey,
I feel physically ill reading this. How sick are these games that people have played with you. I honor your decision as only you know the direction that you choose to go from here. For myself, I am very disappointed. Your posts are awesome and you have shared so freely with us. So, that is my selfish little whine. I am very proud of you for going back with your head up high.
There has been some very negative energy this week all around the trial, IMO. The Court TV board was vicious and there are more and more posts that seem to delight in the pain of others. I do understand your desire to disassociate yourself from evil doers. They will never find satisfaction in the long run as long as they get their pleasure from putting others down.
God bless you. Please keep posting.
Anna

elicia said...

im downhearted that you'll not be my eyes and ears at the trial. i wait eagerly for every one of your updates.

i look forward to your notes, and i respect your desire to walk away. a brave decision, for sure.

but im saddened that the petty witches are still there, cackling.

Sprocket said...

Thank you Betty! I fixed the link.

At some point, everyone comes to a decision like what I made today. It isn't easy, but I know I made the right choice.

steffaroob4 said...

I am sooo sorry that you aren't going to be posting on the trial any more. I am very suspicious that RR tried to get you removed because of your blogs dealing with RS. I believe that JF may have just made a ruling putting you out of a direct line of sight of certain people, to end defense whining. He seems to be a fair judge.
I was very ill yesterday and in bed for hours, I pulled myself out of bed a 5am, to read your blog, I was so excited to read your blog, I came here before checking my emails for the day I was ill. I wish you were still going, it has been the highlite of my days. I understand, I wish you the best, thank you for all of your info, I have truly enjoyed it.

Mary Beth said...

My heart is sad that you will no longer be going to the trial. But, I understand your reasons... Who would need this kind of crap in their life? You were just doing something that you enjoyed. Observing a trial and reporting on it. You got caught up it in all, but not for the wrong reasons. You have a good and Honest soul. Don't let these witches stop you. There are always people who are jealous of other people's talents.

Hey...just hang out on CTV message boards until the verdict comes in. You know you will always have a home there.

lylas,
Mary Beth

TallyAnna said...

Sprocket
The link does not work for me.
http://www.limagepilots.com/

I hope that you are having a great evening and that you are at peace with your decision.
Hugs,
Anna

Suzi said...

Sprocket,

I've enjoyed your blog and sorry you won't be going back to court. However, I understand your decision and desire to stay away from the MESS @ the court.

Get some rest and take care of yourself.

Nepenthe said...

FYI Sprocket the link still isn't working. What's a 'limagepilot'?

Anyway, keep a stiff upper lip missy cause eventually the Court will see the error it made in sending you to Siberia. However, it may not be until the little weasel is locked behind bars that the staff will finally see the light of day re the MEAN GIRLS. You can rest assured karma will bite them in the ass.

Suzanne said...

While I'm sad you will not be reporting - selfishly sad because I enjoy reading your reports - I got a little shiver as I read your reasons. This experience has taught you something good and it has allowed you to see things that we need to see before our journey ends. Seeing what matters is a gift and its value cannot be measured.

Enjoy your down time and your PJ's and I think you have gained much more than most would have from this experience - maybe because you were willing and able to see it for what it was.

Enjoy....

Windswept/Suzanne - Houston, Texas

Michele said...

Sprocket,

Thank you so much for all you've contributed at great personal sacrifice. You brought us a unique perspective of this fascinating trial. As much as I'll miss your days in the court and bird's eye view, I think you did the right thing. Enough is enough. The trial is almost done, anyway.

Be proud of what you've given to literally thousands of us who read you every day. Be proud of the respect you got from those in the press covering the case, who embraced you as one of their own.

I wish I could tell your detractors what kind of person you really are, but, people like that don't care, or even understand living a life with respect for others, and having integrity.

I can tell those who read the blog that you devote time, effort and expense doing things for others. You live an extraordinarily unselfish life, doing considerable acts of random kindness.

I pray that God's law of perfect "karma" will INSTANTLY give those who deserve it their perfect reward *(punishment). I know that you will be blessed and rewarded for your good works, and generosity as someone who lives by the Golden Rule.

Thanks again sweetie! :)

Shell/zhia

ewillcox said...

Sprocket,

Somewhere around the third week of the trial, there was some sort of commotion going on behind the scenes. I know you have commented on it and I never figured it out. My personal opinion is that Harvey Phillip Spector has a friendship with Ted Turner of TBS and CNN fame who just recently purchased Court TV. It is also my opinion that he,(Ted Turner) has deliberatly interferred with the editorial content of what remains of the talking heads at CTV. The others quit or did not want to follow his mandates and went to CNN.
Lana Clarkson's comments about the Corporate world are correct. People who have large, selfish and self-centered egos make good lawyers and Corporate heads. I am truly sorry that you have been hurt by this experience.

Mortie(currently banned)

Sprocket said...

Mortie, I have no idea what that might have been about, and I don't have any special press connections, that would know if this is true or not. Truly I don't.

All I can say is, I met some really nice reporters the first and second day of trial that I attended, and I was fortunate enough to get to know a few of them even more so, and discuss the case with them.

Virtually all the reporters who have stuck it out to the bitter end, have my deepest admiration for their journalistic integrity.

Julie said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sprocket said...

Republishing your comment to delete your email addy from public view.

Julie said...

Life goes on kiddo - I've enjoyed reading your reports - btw, that's a fabulous bag - how much are they?

Email me at *****@gmail.com and let me know.

Julie

craigtamy said...

While you will be getting on with your life, the rest of the lowlife defense and their horror of a client, will have to live with the ramifications of their actions for years and years to come. The behaviour of this defense team has been despicable from day one and they have taken lots of esteemed "Experts" with them. I really admire you and your decision to leave the circus with your head held high. it is sad for us who read you, but understandable. Good Luck!!
craigtamy

tomhunter7910 said...

craigtamy expresses my sentiments as well. judges often make a decision which neither side would like.
i am sorry that you were dragged into "sides" by such a slimeball defense team seeking sympathy for their outlandish courtroom behavior. But let me emphasize again, a decision which neither side would like somehow was twisted to involve you, but i would not take it personally, because these "split the baby" rulings occur all the time as a judge attempts to be "fair" to both sides by not giving to either side the relief they seek.

steffaroob4 said...

Thank you for fixing the link, I finally got to see it.

Did you notice PS's jacket today??? I did, I think everything is becoming more clear to me now. I took a couple screen shots of it, I was wondering if you caught it. The best shot was at the end of the day I missed grabbing that one, that one would have been great to get.