Monday, September 24, 2007

Dig Makes Me Laugh

I just adore Court TV poster Dig (and his cloned at band camp twin, Dave). Dig has a sense of humor that I totally "get," so here are a few things Dig has written that make me laugh.

Memories are made of BS

Rosen: So, Mr. Deesowza, when Mr. Spector came outside to talk to you, what did you say was in his right hand?
De Souza: A gun.

Rosen: Could it have been a cuddly little puppy?

De Souza: It was a gun.

Rosen: Did anyone ever explain to you that here in America, we often have puppies that are the same size as a gun?

De Souza: I know what I saw. It was a gun.

Rosen: Could it have been a kitten?

De Souza: No. Gun.

Rosen: And when you saw this object, that was the size of a puppy or a kitten, did you offer it anything to eat?

De Souza: Gun.

Rosen: Little birdie?

De Souza: Gun.

Cell phone conversation not entered into evidence
Mrs. Plourd: Honey, on your way home, would you please pick up a quart of milk?

Mr. Plourd: When you say milk, are you referring to a white liquid?

Mrs. Plourd: (Sighing audibly) Yes, that is correct.

Mr. Plourd: So if I brought home a quart of a liquid that was not white, would it be milk?

Mrs. Plourd: No, it wouldn't.

Mr. Plourd: If someone showed you a liquid that was not white, and claimed that it was milk, would they be right or wrong? (If you know.)

Mrs. Plourd: They would be wrong.

Mr. Plourd: So milk is white. Is that correct?

Mrs. Plourd: Yes.

Mr. Plourd: Are you an expert on milk?

Mrs. Plourd: No.

Mr. Plourd: Do you read any of the technical journals that are about milk?

Mrs. Plourd: No.

Mr. Plourd: Have you had any articles published about milk?

Mrs. Plourd: No.

Mr. Plourd: I would like to move on now, if I may, to the unit of measurement known as a quart. Do you consider yourself to be an expert...

Mrs. Plourd: Bring me some double-A batteries, too.

Mr. Plourd: When you refer to "double-A", is that a particular size of battery that is familiar to you?

Mrs. Plourd: If you only knew.

Mr. Plourd: If we could, let's clarify the term "battery".

Mrs. Plourd: