I had not slept well all weekend. Even though I was specifically asked to come to court on Tuesday, I still felt a little queasy in the stomach returning to 106. I was going to take the bus and train, but splurged today on driving. Wouldn't you know it, traffic was terrible, and I was worried I wouldn't get into downtown LA in time. But at the last two miles, traffic did ease up, and I was able to get on the 9th floor near my usual arrival time.
All during my drive into downtown, my stomach was in knots and my nerves were on edge, and I kept concentrating on my personal belief system, for it has never steered me wrong. I'm a strong believer in the teachings of medical intuitive Caroline Myss, Ph.D, and her philosophy on Energy Anatomy. And one of the lessons I know that I work through on a daily basis is forgiveness, and what it really means, to forgive. Caroline teaches that, one of the best things we can do for ourselves, one of the most selfish things, is, to forgive. Once we forgive, our whole life can change in an instant, because we're no longer draining, or losing our vital life force engergy, into that sad past/event.
Taking deep breaths, I focused all my thoughts on sending K and W energy prayers. Any my prayer was, for the universe to give them the energy they need, to continue on their journey's, on their paths. For them to go forward, toward learning the life lessons they were put here on this planet to learn. And my energy prayer for myself was, I hand it all over to the universe. Whatever happens, happens, and I will be fine with that. I will have no expectations. I have to tell you that, I kept saying these prayers the entire trip, but it didn't lessen the anxiety I still felt in my body or mind lol! Rome wasn't built in a day.
I get through the first floor security checkpoint and head on over to the elevators. Finally getting into an elevator, I'm dismayed that K gets on in the elevator right in front of me. When you tell the universe you're ready to forgive, well, the universe just plops more things down in front of you to forgive. Up on the 9th floor hallway, I see the cast of MEAN GIRLS all grouped together near the door. K & W have two other friends standing with them. One of them I recognize from the Blake trial, the other I recognize from being at court months earlier with W.
I walk over and stand next to Dominick, and to my delightful surprise, Richard and Ron are back again. I find out that the court's liaison officers are handing out public tickets. We will be on the lottery system today, and supposedly for the rest of the trial. Richard and Ron both tell me, that if either of their numbers are called first, they will just hand their ticket to me. What great guys, and I thank them for their generosity. The accredited press is finally called into the courtroom. After the last person enters, Meredith pokes her head around the corner of the door and says, "Any other media?" After she sees where I'm sitting, she motions with her finger for me to enter the courtroom.
Last Thursday, before court started, I had gone up to the head of the department, Alan, and asked if there was any way that I could be let in after the accredited press. I was told at that time that I had already been put on the waiting list. This is better than not being on, and just part of the regular public, so I thanked Alan. What it means is, if there are accredited press that don't show up, then I'm on the "waiting list" to possibly get one of those seats. It's still a toss up whether or not I'll get in or not, because that waiting list is long. Once inside the courtroom I took my regular seat. Soon afterward, all the rest of the public was let in and CCA was able to get his regular seat beside me. Most of the public was moved to the third row and the fourth row of individual seats against the back wall near the door, but no one made CCA move back. There were at least three or four spaces left in the second row, and K and a friend moved up on their own from the third row bench to the second row bench. The bailiff (thank goodness Judge Fidler's regular bailiff is back), told them they would have to move back to the third row, and I believe I overheard K tell the bailiff they were part of the media. That claim didn't last long, because they still had to move back to the third row. I'm almost certain I overheard K talking to Meredith, asking to be put on the media waiting list.
I try to concentrate on taking some notes, and to see who is in the room. I note Rachelle has her hair in a French braid. It's one of the few times that it actually looks nice, and it does go well with the smoke gray sweater dress she has on. I wonder if she paid someone to come to the house to fix it, or if Mommy, who is here again today did it for her. For some time now, gone are the outfits that are more appropriate to a music venue or rave.
The attorneys are in chambers with the Judge, and I think I'm actually starting to stop shaking. Linda Kenny Baden is back, and she looks great. The best I've seen her look in a long time. I've never thought that she wasn't sick. I can't imagine what it must have been like for her, to have been as ill as she supposedly was, and having to be in a hotel room instead of at home. All that time she was without all her comfortable things around her, and access to her personal physician. I am glad that she's better now.
Rachelle and Mommy are already under their fleece blankie. Cutler, who is also back, waves to Rachelle and Mom. When I had entered the courtroom, Fawn and Mrs. Clarkson both gave me smiles, happy to see me back. The attorneys are now out of the in camera meeting, and the defense team is in huddle, standing in back of the defense table. LKB is shaking her head while the group is in an intense discussion. Even their exhibits operator is in on the discussion, while Cutler sits at the defense table, his back to the group. It's 9:50 am, and this big discusion is still going on. Along the back row from left to right is the short lead press: John Spano, Peter Hong, Michael Christensen, Harriet Ryan and Matthew K, all on their laptops. I try to take notes, but I'm not really concentrating on the motions all that well.
Jackson loses on the records coming in. Mona, the sketch artist who covered the Blake trial, enters the courtroom with a friend and sits by Linda Deutsch. She sees me, and gives me a smile. More back and forth by the prosecution and defense, and the defense finally stands up and says that they rest, "provisionally." This means that the Judge now adresses Spector, to make sure he understands that he is giving up his right to testify. "That right is soley yours," Fidler says. And Spector, afirming that he is giving up that right, understand it and answers, "Yes." Right after that, an amazing thing happens. The Judge apologizes to me for accusing me of being the one who was overheard by the jury. A special thanks to Court TV member kellabeck, who transcribed the Judge's statement.
JF's APOLOGY TO SPROCKET
Right after Fidler accepted Spector's statement that he would not be taking the stand, he took up a more pressing matter:
FIDLER: Last week it had been reported to me and an individual was named that they were talking loud enough, that they were expressing opinions. Some of the jurors had indicated that they heard this person and this person was identified to me as the young lady in the white blouse (gesturing towards the gallery) is that correct? She's not the person. So you are not the person I should have been addressing my remarks to. I apologize. You were misidentified to me. You're not the person who was doing it. There was somebody else who has been tentatively ID'd to me and rather than single that person out I will simply reiterate at this point: Whoever's in the audience, keep your opinions to yourself cause if you don't you're gone, it's that simple. Your opinions, you're free to have them but I don't want the jurors to hear them, it's that's simple.
It's 10:15 am, and the jury finally enters the courtroom. At the first break, I really need to get something to drink, but delay on leaving the room to go to another floor. But I decide to get up and stretch my legs anyway. As I pass Rachelle and her Mommy, I overhear Mommy say, "I think something smells." Yep. This child and her Mommy are a wanna be clas act. I walk out towards the elevators, but decide to come back in and retake my seat. I see that K is sitting over on the defense side, chatting it up big time with Rachelle and Mommy. One of my seat mates comments, "I think she belongs over there."
I believe it was Michael Corleone who said (in I can't remember which one of the Godfather movies), "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer." I make sure to keep my eye on K for the rest of the day, because I just have this gut feeling that K is not done here in room 106. At every break, K makes a bee line towards Rachelle and her Mommy to sit with them, and chat it up. At the last break of the day, I observe Rosen going over to speak to K, and from the back row, I see W staring at me. At the end of the day, overhear K speaking to Judge Fidler's Bailiff. K was asking about wanting something. I didn't hear exactly what was said, and I didn't hear all of the Bailiff's reply. I did hear something to the effect of, "You can wait after court to speak to him." I'm not positive if that is what was said, but I know it was something like that. I don't believe this whole event is completely over. I'll just keep sending K some energy prayers, that she continues on her life's journey.
When I was driving home I got on the phone with dini. She told me there were lots of Court TV posters who had posted their support, and that there was a big long thread with many posts on it. When I got home, I read the entire daily thread and evening threads. I want to thank everyone who sent me messages of support, either through emails, private messages, blog posts or posts on the fourm. Please forgive me, if I missed your name. I did try to write down every one who said something positive.
I'd like to thank all my friends at Butterfly. The butterflies are the ones I can always lean on when things get rough. Hey Beaner! That includes you! Thank you, one and all!
I'd also like to thank all the Court TV posters who gave me their words of support today. I read every post. CCA, Lynn Gweeny, CAT TOY, poplife, KatyDid, Dave, barskin&co., pile2000, Shell0724, kennedy06, kindekat, Sherbie, kel, ann10, Wierdsly, Orchid Corsage, gaia, Intrepid, Sedonia Sunset, Howlz, bchand, hockeymomof5, september, Winks, mizpah1, Fallen Angel, Dig, Xspectorant, kipswife, ch.hillmom, spydernweb2006, IObject!, LadyBlue, JustRetired, kellabeck, Kara, angeltab, Daisy, SKelly63, mmt, ritanita, lovelaw, Firefox1, Sea, Becky10, FrankieBones1, cneal, tashi, warhorse46, sylviap, MyrnaTurner, Think About It, windswept, MsTery, witchywoman, Luauna Schmi, lunr99, CarolynNVa, gentleeyes, CakeGirl, Cornblossom, Hollywon't, Fluffnstuff, jscoe, wandering, FloA, 3rdDegre, Kathlb, Jayne, kellabeck, Zeekers, Regina.Lampert, Karrie0317, llylabrat, NEsleuth, TwinMom, carolinablue, sissy, angeltab, CCMSW, jojoTN, Velouria, winteryns, duncan, Tracian, Sagi, NatalieB, Sir RealDeal, roytoy, SusiePMcD, lost indie, DevilWoman, bballgrl, islandgirl, LibbyQ, cish, sissy, MissRunAmuk, tulpje, bluwater, craigtamy, Mort Snerd, oldbluesmith, marabeth, Hecate, Chass, charm7, LinZbee, archangel, joypath, Dunlurken, TellitTrue, Thisbe, chambord1, w_wheeler, True2Blues, CourtsideVue, dmh, cocoloco, Curious Kate, Dennn, Doberman, ritanita, Browneyes, DixieChick, LNL, Kathlb, ScienceFiend, Pinetree, CrimeBuff, SeniorMoments, Zhia.
Again, please forgive me if I missed mentioning anyone. It has been a long day for me.